Thursday, August 31, 2006

Blogball (1/2 Fake) News Story

CBS slammed for slimming Couric in photo News Staff
CBS is taking heat for slimming down a photo of its new prime-time anchor with digital effects, after a retouched photograph of Katie Couric appeared this week in a magazine distributed to CBS stations and American Airlines flights.

This image compares the original photo on the left, with the airbrushed photo on the right.

The photograph in the September issue of Watch! made Couric look about 20 pounds thinner. The original photo, taken in May and showing Couric at her real weight, had been circulated to the media as an official photo. To make matters worse CBS also released photos of Couric’s Anchor Competitors Charles Gibson and Brian Williams who appear on ABC and NBC respectively.

This image compares the original photo on the left, with the airbrushed photo on the right.

This image compares the original photo on the left, with the airbrushed photo on the right.

CBS Could not be reached for comment.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Blogball (Fake) News Story

I walked in front of the mirror the other day and from my point of view it caught just the lower part of my body. I was sorry to admit it but my reflection kind of looked like those people they show on those fat TV news stories where they show the body and not the head. OK I admit that I have gained a little weight after I tied the knot but maybe just a pound or two a year. The problem is I’ve been married almost 17 years.

Anyway I was thinking if some attorney decided to represent all of these headless figures in a class action lawsuit it might look something like this ......

A Class Action Lawsuit has been filed for all the obese individuals that have been photographed without their permission.

The Complaint alleges that just not showing their faces is not good enough for the people that recognize themselves or are recognized by close friends and family.

Here are just some of the individuals that have stepped forward to participate in this lawsuit.

Nora Olson from St Paul Minnesota said “I just couldn’t believe how humiliated I felt.
I was watching this special on TV called Obesity is Killing America and there I was with my good friend Alice eating the new Nacho Crunch Stuffed Burrito from Taco Bell’

Rodger Johnson from Miami Florida said” I was looking at some news stories on line and I came across this article called Overweight Men and Impotency Is There a Connection? I did a double take when I saw a picture next to the article of guy that had a tie that looked just like the one my ex-wife gave me. Then I looked a little closer and sure enough that guy was me. I thought hard about participating in this lawsuit because I know I will hear it from by buddies at work’.

Margaret Roastberger from a northwest suburb of Boston says “I have been in therapy for 9 months now. I was relaxing watching TV and the news came on about how some of the airlines are thinking about charging extra for people that are 50 or more pounds overweight. I had just returned from a very strenuous business trip only to see a photo of me at the airport as I was about to board a plane back home to Boston. It’s bad enough when you think you might have to pay extra money for an airline ticket but now I have to put up with the thought that they used me as some sort of poster lady for fat travelers”.

Eileen Stovetop from Wichita Kansas says “Its Just not right. My best friend called me and said Hey Eileen I just saw you on the news! I had no idea what she was talking about until I watched the evening edition and they were doing a news piece called Obesity and Smoking Equals a Death Wish. They were showing all these heavy-set people but not their faces and there I was with my brand new shorts I just bought at Sears. My friends are still teasing me and that story ran 2 years ago".

Friday, August 25, 2006

Thursday, August 24, 2006


I don’t usually buy the cat food but the other day we ran out so I had to run to the store to get some for our two cats. I couldn’t believe all the choices.
The list I put together below represents just a fraction of what’s out there.
Now to get the full effect you have to think about all the starving people all over the world.

Iams Less Active/Weight Control Formula
For lazy cats that just lay around. Like 99.9% of them

Iams Weight Control & Hairball Care
Wow you can kill two birds with one stone. “Grate deal!”

Iams Active Maturity (Senior) Hairball Care
For older cats that actually move (Probably to the litter box and back to the bed) with that hairball bonus built in.

Iams Active Maturity Formula
Exactly the same as the one above. We just don’t mention the hairball thing.

Iams Kitten Formula
Same as adult formula only all crunched up

Purina® Pro Plan® Senior 11+ Cat Indoor Care
For the older professional cat. Formula is way too advanced for the armature cat to understand and appreciate.

Science Diet Sensitive Skin For Adult Cats
For snobby cats that don’t like to be pet.

Science Diet Sensitive Stomach for Adult Cats
For cats that puke all over the place. Lots of fiber has been added to hopefully make it come out the other end.

Royal Canin® Intense Hairball
We are not talking your every day run of the mill hairballs here.

Royal Canin® Oral Sensitive 30™ Cat Food
For cats that don’t like to be talked to.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


I was paying some bills the other day and was just wondering why some of the account numbers I was putting in the memo section of my check were twice the size of the total population of the earth?

Thursday, August 17, 2006


Please Note: The following post was written by a husband that has just recently completed a very trying bathroom project that has left him very frustrated at the moment. He has attempted many home improvement & repair projects during his 16 years of marriage. Some of these projects have ended in disaster and others have come out really nice.


These jobs include:

1 Painting
2. Wall Papering ((Double Warning) Matching the pattern & getting rid of bubbles and seams to your wife’s satisfaction could result in instant divorce or homicide
3. Resurfacing anything
4. Hanging a door
5. Installing a built in appliance
6. Repairing a broken window
7. Repositioning anything that is hardwired or bolted to the ceiling or floor
9. Any job where you have to rent something that you have never used or driven before

*More scrutiny will be placed on your handy work than a professional’s because your wife gave in and let you do it. So even if you win the “discussion” by being able to attempt any of these projects listed above you have in reality already lost.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Should Have Nailed That 5th W

Docs Remove 119 Nails From Woman's Stomach
By The Associated Pressposted: 01 July 200611:15 am ET

HANOI, Vietnam (AP)—Physicians removed 119 nails—many of them rusty—from a woman's stomach months after she apparently swallowed them, a doctor said.
The 43-year-old woman arrived Wednesday at Hospital No. 121 in the southern city of Can Tho City, complaining of a severe stomachache, Dr. Tran Van Nam said Friday.
"After having her stomach X-rayed and scanned, we found a stack of strange objects and decided to operate as soon as possible,'' he said.
During surgery, doctors removed 119 nails, each about 3 inches long. Many were rusty, indicating they could have been in her stomach for months, Nam said.
The woman's stomach was scratched by the nails, but she did not suffer any major injuries, he said.
"Her life is not at risk now, and she is recovering,'' Nam said, adding that the patient was expected to be discharged soon.

I remember in school we learned the importance of Who, What, Where, When & "WHY" when reporting a story. This newspaper reporter must have been absent the last day of class.

Was she trying to add a little iron to her diet?
Did she loose a bet?
Is the hardware store her favorite restaurant?
Was she going for 121 nails to try and match the name of the local hospital?
Was she getting ready to get hammered? (Sorry about that one)
Is she just plain nuts?

If no one knows why she swallowed the nails just say so! Also the reporter writes that “she apparently swallowed them”
I was trying to figure out how else they could have ended up in her stomach?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Blogball back in the saddle again.

Haven’t posted for a while. I guess I am just coming out of shock from turning 50.

Here’s a quick update on what I’ve been up to: Soon after turning 50 I kicked a ball as hard I could at a father daughter kickball game at her school. Unfortunately I only kicked the very top part of the ball resulting in a painful hamstring pull. I made believe it didn’t hurt and ran to first base with a swinging bunt single (Took 3 weeks to heal). Just recently I was at a hotel that had a water slide and my daughter said to me “hey dad try going down this way” (on your belly feet first) I did and jammed my foot at the bottom of the pool resulting in a bad ankle sprain. (Still healing) Other than that I still feel like I’m 49.