Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave

Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to steal newspapers because you think you look fat in a photo.

At first glance the photo below looks like several attractive girls having fun at a sporting event. It wasn’t until after I read the story that I started examining the girls (third from left) photo trying to “figure” out what part of her body she could possibly be insecure about. Just what she was afraid might happen.

I guess you could say the cover up was worse than the crime.

Jennifer Carsillo, 18, (third from left) said she and a friend grabbed 130 copies of The Gatepost paper because they were embarrassed about this photo, shot at a lacrosse game.

By Associated PressFRAMINGHAM, Mass. -- "I just kind of got caught up in the moment and grabbed a whole bunch of copies," Jennifer Carsillo, 18, tells the Boston Globe. She and a friend hid the papers in their dorm rooms, according to the paper. "We didn't think it was a big deal," she says.

They apparently felt the photo made them look fat, the paper's faculty adviser said.The photo in the April 27 edition of The Gatepost at Framingham State College shows seven fans at a women's lacrosse game with ``I (heart) N-O-O-N-A-N,'' the name of a friend on the team, spelled out on their stomachs. They are wearing hip-hugger shorts and abbreviated tank tops.Campus police won't pursue criminal charges, but two students face possible disciplinary action, college spokesman Peter Chisholm said.English professor

Desmond McCarthy, the faculty adviser, said he was told by other students the women who took the papers thought they looked fat.``This is the most stupid reason the paper has been stolen,'' said McCarthy, adding that editions of The Gatepost have been stolen four times in the past 15 years.

We’ll just have to wait and see about this.

We can’t even get the 5 day weather forecast right and I'm supposed to believe this?

Scott Norrisfor National Geographic News
May 16, 2007
The sun and Earth will probably be spun out into a lonely region of space when the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies finish colliding about five billion years from now, researchers say in a new study.

There's also a small chance that our solar system will be swept from its home in the Milky Way and scooped up by Andromeda during an earlier close encounter, in just three-and-a-half-billion years.

Anyway if this doesn’t happen I want all these scientists fired immediately.

Sign of the Times

This billboard was put up by a couple of Chicago attorneys. I guess it was taken down because of a permit violation. The attorneys said that in the short time it was up their business improved dramatically.
So I was thinking that someone should counter this with a pro-marriage billboard like the one below.

Please Note: For those who don’t know me I'm a happily married guy.
(Just having some fun)

I Just Had an Idea

The information below is from the website of a company called Celestis http://www.memorialspaceflights.com/default.asp
(This is the company that just launched Scotty from Star Trek into space)

The company charges $495.00 to put 1 gram of your loved ones ashes into a little capsule and then launch it into space for a couple of minutes and then it floats back to earth and then returned to the family for a keepsake.

Earth-Return Service

• Our Earth-Return service affordably launches a symbolic portion of cremated remains to space, and after experiencing the zero gravity environment, returns the individual flight capsules and modules back to Earth
• After a successful flight, the Earth-Return payload, including flown flight capsules and modules, is recovered, validated as having reached space, and the capsule or module is returned to the family or loved one as a keepsake
• Standard Price $495
• In the event that the Celestis Earth Orbit Service spacecraft does not achieve orbit, we will — at no additional cost — place a second sample of the cremated remains aboard our next scheduled mission.
  
  

Here’s My Idea
So I was thinking about all the people who love baseball and came up with this idea.

I will call this service Final Inning®

• Family can select their deceased loved ones favorite baseball Picher and batter to participate.
• A sports drink (of your choice) and 1 gram of ashes of your loved one will be injected into the center of a major League baseball.
• The pitcher will pitch to the batter for a maximum of 1 hour to achieve a flight of 385 ft. or a homerun which ever comes first.
• If this distance or a homerun is not achieved after 1 hour the pitcher will throw the baseball as far as he can to try and duplicate a 385 ft. flight.
• The keepsake ball will be signed by both players for added sentimental value.
• Baseball will be placed against an official Final Inning plaque suited for hanging or placing on a shelf or mantle.
• Cost of Final Inning services will be based on the two ball players present salary prorated
  (1 hour)
• Average cost is between $5,000.00 & $75,000.00
• 
  
  

Armed and Dangerous

I know it looks fake but believe it or not the photo to the left is the real thing.

Arm reattached after crocodile attack at zoo
Taipei, Taiwan A zoo worker had his forearm reattached Thursday after his colleagues recovered the severed limb from the mouth of a 440-pound Nile crocodile, an official said.The crocodile severed Chang Po-yu's forearm Wednesday at the Shaoshan Zoo in the southern city of Kaohsiung when the veterinarian tried to retrieve a tranquilizer dart from the reptile's hide, zoo officials said.The Liberty Times newspaper said Chang failed to notice the crocodile was not fully anesthetized when he stuck his arm through an iron rail to medicate it.As Chang was rushed to the hospital Wednesday, a zoo worker shot two bullets at the crocodile's neck to retrieve the forearm, said Chen Po-tsun, a zoo official.

"The crocodile was unharmed as we didn't find any bullet holes on its hide," Chen said. "It probably was shocked and opened its mouth to let go of the limb."

SPECIAL NOTE: Here are some other titles I thought of for this story before I decided on "Armed and Dangerous" Additional title suggestions are welcome

Zookeeper Gives Croc a Hand

Croc Enjoys a Taste of Finger Food

Croc Eventually Unarmed

Farwell to arm

Zookeeper Gives Croc a Knuckle Sandwich

Is That Crocodile Gay or Does He Just Have a Limp Wrist?

Zookeeper Goes Out on a Limb to Help Crocodile

Is That a Hand in Your Mouth or are You Giving me the Power Salute?

Man Becomes Single and Unattached After Trying His Hand as a Zookeeper

What would the baby bear choose?

Kill baby polar bear, animal activists say
By Stephanie Kennedy

Animal rights campaigners in Germany have called on Berlin's Zoo to kill a baby polar bear that has been rejected by its mother rather than have it raised by humans.
The three-month-old polar bear cub has captured the hearts of many Germans, baby Knut and his twin brother were born in December.
They were rejected by their mother and were left exposed to freezing temperatures.
After Knut's brother died, the zoo intervened to save the surviving cub.
Knut has been nurtured by a keeper who has slept by his side and bottle-fed him.
Now animal rights campaigners argue Knut should be put down to stop him becoming emotionally and physically reliant on humans.
That has sparked outrage in Germany and Berlin Zoo has vowed to continue hand-rearing the cub.

I was just thinking if the situation was reversed and I was abandoned by my mother and had a choice to either die or be raised by polar bears I would say “Heck what do I have to loose ?”

Long Arm of the Giant

I thought this was a really neat story so I thought I would share it.

March 14, 2007—Who says super heroes don't exist?
Desperate to save two dolphins that had eaten plastic pieces at an aquarium in China's Liaoning Province, veterinarians summoned the world's tallest man—7-foot-9-inch (2.36-meter) shepherd Bao Xishun of the neighboring Inner Mongolia region.
The plastic pieces had caused the marine mammals to lose their appetites and become depressed, Royal Jidi Ocean World officials told the BBC. But the dolphins' contracting stomachs had stymied vets' attempts to use instruments to remove the objects. Instead Bao's extra-long arms were able to extract the offending shards yesterday.
After Bao, 54, "operated" on them—their teeth wrapped with towels for safety, as seen in the bottom photo—the dolphins were in "very good condition," aquarium manager Chen Lujun told the BBC.
Veterinarian Zhu Xiaoling told the state-controlled Xinhua news agency, "Some very small plastic pieces are still left in the dolphins' stomachs.
"However, the dolphins will be able to digest these and are expected to recover soon."

Sorry but this story would not be complete without a No Agenda Zone Update

After great success with dolphins Bao Xishun eventually moved on to human medical procedures.

The photo below shows the ambidextrous gentle giant performing a Tonsillectomy and a stomach stapling simultaneously

Rectum? Darn near killed-um

Sorry about another butt related blog posting but I couldn’t pass this one up.

Just an update on the story below: Apparently this guy was just a nut and no one was ever in danger but I was just thinking... If I happened to be of Middle Eastern decent and my name was Fadhel al-Maliki one of the last things I would try to do is board a plane with a magnet and wires in my butt.

March 07, 2007
Iraqi national detained at LAX with magnet in his "bum"

From Doug Hagmann, Director of the Northeast Intelligence Network:
6 March 2007: TSA officials at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) detained a 35 year-old Iraqi national at about 5:40 this morning after he set off an alarm at the passenger screening area at terminal 1. Security officers searched Fadhel Abbas al-Maliki of South Ocean Avenue in Atlantic City, New Jersey, finding wires on his body and what was described as a magnet concealed in his rectum. Al Mailki also was in possession of another, unidentified metal device which is currently being assessed and evaluated by law enforcement authorities. Fadhel al-Maliki intended to board a US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia. Although al-Maliki was detained at the terminal, his luggage remained on the aircraft, which made an

unscheduled landing in Las Vegas for a security screening.

A Little Lift in Life

Something I Just Thought About:

Many times I have been in a situation where I go for a drink at a public drinking fountain lets say at the park or another public place where kids may gather and right in front of me is a little kid (that I don’t know) on his or her tiptoes with lips puckered desperately trying and get a drink of water. Years ago I would think nothing of giving the little one a little lift to quench his or her thirst.
Now in recent years with constant media coverage of kids being kidnapped and /or molested I have restrained myself out of respect for parents that might see me lift up their child and freak out. Is this just a sad sign of the times or am I being too cautious?

I thought this was pretty incredible

This is a real picture of a real fly with real glasses. (Pretty sure non prescription)

Micreon, based in Hannover, Germany, created the fly's eyewear using ultrafast laser micro-machining. The firm notes on its Web site that the process can create objects with high precision at scales of less than a thousandth of a millimeter.

Wow.. looks just like Elizabeth Taylor

I thought this was interesting and a good excuse for another No Agenda Zone manipulated cartoon




February 15, 2007—She was the legendary queen of Egypt who seduced two of the most powerful men in the ancient world.
But a silver coin that went on display at a British university yesterday suggests Cleopatra's beauty may be Hollywood fiction.
On one side the coin shows the Egyptian ruler with a shallow forehead, long nose, narrow lips, and a sharply pointed chin (at left above). On the other, her longtime lover, the powerful Roman general and politician Mark Antony, is depicted with a large hooked nose and thick neck (right).
The unflattering images suggest that fictional accounts—from Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra to the HBO TV series Rome—overplay the attractiveness of the doomed couple.

Ancient Coin Flip

What Kind of American Are You Anyway ?

When I was reading about the Super Bowl I read this:
Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith will make history as the first African-American head coaches to lead NFL teams to the Super Bowl”

Then I read this:
“Lost in the celebration of the first black head coaches to reach the Super Bowl is that the first Asian-American coach Lloyd Lee who will be pacing the sidelines in the Big One.”

Then I was reading about the Astronaut that went off the deep end and read this:
An Italian restaurant in Cocoa Beach, Fla., plans to hold a fundraiser for Nowak this weekend because she was the first Italian-American woman in space.

Then this:
“Haroldson, the county’s chief deputy district attorney, is the first Mexican-American to become a district attorney in Oregon’s history”.

Then there’s this:
“As a former member of Bush's Cabinet and the nation's first Cuban-American senator, Martinez already had considerable cachet”.

Then just yesterday I was reading this about Rudy Giuliani:
“Just by running for the nomination, the former New York mayor and hero of 9/11 will be the first Italian-American to run for president”

OK my point is that I do greatly admire the people that have broken the color or race barrier in American history but I was hoping by the year 2007 America would not need to still label or make an issue out of someone’s race. I do realize we still have some work to do before we are all on a completely even playing field but for crying out loud the two head coaches in the Super Bowl did not believe is swearing or yelling at their players. Doesn’t this deserve more admiration than the color of their skin in this day and age?

I guess I just have to hope & pray that my daughter will be the first Italian, Norwegian, Danish, French, American to see a color blind society.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
Martin Luther King Jr.

New Product with No Agenda Zone Expanded Uses

Warning the following post contains silly over the top bathroom humor

Believe it or not this is a real product. It’s called "Super Catcher".It catches your dogs poop so you won’t have to pick it up off the ground.The problem is that the poor dog has to be humiliated by wearing a clown’s hat on his butt.

There is even a demonstration video clip on the website. http://www.fellowlike.com.tw/en/?d=product7

Anyway I was thinking hey why not expand the use of this ingenious product.

Has The Government Gone Too Far?

There were 2 Stories that came out today that caught my attention

Maine law bans adults from smoking in cars with children
National-NBC) January 19, 2007 - A new law banning smoking with kids in the car has taken effect in Bangor, Maine.
Under the new law, anyone caught smoking in a vehicle with minors will face a $50 fine. Advocates say the ban will help children breathe easier, while opponents say it infringes on personal rights.
Several other areas have similar laws covering young children, but Bangor is the first to include everyone under 18.

And then there was this one

CA Proposes Ban On Spanking
January 19, 2007 12:26 p.m. EST
Julie Farby - All Headline News Staff Writer
Sacramento, CA (AHN) - California's state legislature is mulling a ban on spanking children, making California the first and only state to outlaw smacking kids on the behind.
Assemblywoman Sally Lieber, a Democrat, is proposing a bill to ban parents from spanking any child 3 years of age or younger. The bill would make spanking a misdemeanor, punishable by up to a year in jail or a fine up to $1,000, with first time offenders most likely only having to attend parenting classes. For the record, Assemblywoman Sally Lieber does not have children and says she was not slapped as a child. But she does have a cat named Snoop, which her veterinarian told her never to hit.

I thought it was interesting that the Assemblywoman does not have any kids and related the situation to hitting her cat. Kind of like if my gold fish jumps out of the tank it doesn’t do any good to give Goldy a little pat on the tail fin. I also thought the name of her cat (Snoop) was kind of ironic. When my daughter was younger (under 4) I did give her a little hit to the butt a couple of times for stuff like running away from me toward the street. OK I do cringe a little when I see parents spank their kids for stuff that seems really minor to me but I really don’t think the Government should interfere with that.

There are many child abuse laws already on the books.
Have we gone too far?

Keeping with tradition here is a “ No Agenda Zone” illustration relating to the subject. .

I was also was wondering what happens when a child turns 4 years old? Is it then no holds barred?

Little Johnny's parents have been waiting to give him
the presents behind their backs for 4 long years.

Now this is MY kind of humor

I thought this was pretty funny

Eagle Eyed Fox

As a guy that has always been interested in photography I have always liked action shots.
I think this is one of the better ones I have seen in a while. It’s a golden eagle taking a fox away from a partially eaten carcass.

NOTE: This photo was not altered in any way. I found this on http://www.snopes.com/ under the “True” status. By the way Snopes is a great site to find out if suspicious photos or stories flying around on the Internet are true or not.

Here is an example of a “False” status from Snopes.com

Snowball the mutant cat

OK you probably had a feeling there would be just one more picture.
This fell into the “undetermined ”status contributed by the No Agenda Zone.

Saddam is discovered to have two ears on same side of his head

& six fingers on right hand.

PS I hope everyone has a happy and safe 2007.

“I can’t understand how that tape could just disappear like that”

This holiday season reminded me of one of the true mysteries of my life:

I can be sitting on the floor involved in putting something together or wrapping presents and I continue to misplace stuff like tools, scissors, glue, pen, tape, parts I just had in my hand etc.

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN WHEN MY BUTT HAS BEEN IN THE SAME PLACE THE WHOLE TIME?

I sometimes have to get up and get another screwdriver, pair of scissors or whatever I misplaced to finish the job.

I know it’s not gremlins and it’s probably my organizational skills combined with maybe a relatively short attention span combined with my… well I could go on but I will leave it there. Anyway lately I have been bringing two of each item needed before I sit down.
This seems to do the trick.

No wonder I’m having trouble with Beta

December 18, 2006

MAN TAKES POSITION AT BLOGGER CLAIMS HE MISREAD JOB TITLE New Employee overheard saying “I knew it sounded too good to be true”

Sceam Thoughts

I was wondering why Google is making a big deal out of Edvard Munch’s birthday on their home page? (the guy who painted “The Scream”)








Then I thought to myself hey that scream painting kind of reminds me of that Home Alone picture. So I decided to compare the two.












Then I was wondering if anybody else saw this similarity and sure enough there was a mention of it in Wikipedia.

Reproductions of this mask are now very popular and common masks in the real world. Child actor Macaulay Culkin's pose in front of the mirror, in Home Alone by Chris Columbus appears to be a homage to the work.


Then I decided to put this exciting thought process I just had on my blog site and share it with everybody lucky enough to see it.

Word Verification

Is it just me or are these word verifications getting harder to read. (See samples below)
I’m thinking to myself now is that an N or an H is that a small q and what the heck is that etc. I know I have some problems with dyslexia and maybe this is the reason I’m having trouble. I was just wondering if anybody else has the same problem. It OK if you don’t… I can take it.







Anyway it did give me an idea for a new No Agenda Zone illustration